Art Collective
Out of my “Alien Fire” Image, I made this kickass tights. I love the forms they create on the body. I now love tights. They make me comfortable and very proud. (One day, I’ll put more effort into a proper photo shoot.)
Let me know if you want to order some or get something custom designed to you. Prices depend on the work I have to do to make it perfect for you, so there is time and there is hope for you to have happy, dreamy, unique leggings.
Preface: I am bordering being nocturnal and being a polyphasic sleeper (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyphasic_sleep). I asked my friends what they do for sleep. I have spent 11 days in the Ward and it’s not easy to sleep in a hospital. All of those feelings of paranoia become heightened because 1) they are definitely watching me and 2) they are definitely takling about me behind my back and Lastly, there is no end in sight until I’m out the door. Waiting for an indeterminate time is a big weakess to the Katarina Creature.
For the meticulous overacheiver: Instructions best print this text out and give each a shot. Highlight the ones that work, add new ones you hear about from friends and cross out the ones you've tried and it didn't work for you.
You deserve to sleep. Better sleep is better life outlook.
♦
Letters from the divide (aka, yellow beach, aka psych ward),
An Offer of good advice: The best lozenge in town. Look at link and trust us.
Long link. Trying to adjust to a new terminal. I will have to post the focus card for this blog post. There’s no images I can provide at this time.
The meat:
Pain= spinal cord Injury.
Now where was I…
In group today, I learned a lot of things. My index card is filled to the brim. I just wanted to learn at least these things while I am here. Most important being Californian geography within the context of beautiful souls nearby.
It’s not enough to pay attention with your hands, the goal is to look up more than every once in a while to show that you are engaged and listening. (I’ve been obsessed with learning about myself that I forgot to learn about others.)
Moodlighting= eye contact if you’re the audience or if you’re the speaker. Eye contact is a way of saying my world is your world is my world, etc.
It never hurts to try the complex handshake when it’s offered. Measure your synchroncity at least.
Today, I am Practice Kat. I will practice the active listening technique as much as possible. Locking eyes is the simplest of the complex handshakes that human beings are capable of, primarily because we stare at screens so much that our eyes are tired, so focus of the eyes, is the song of the vision sense.
freaky as hell– listen to people with your eyes and ears, eyes and ears, I’s and hears. (a little word jazz helps ease my tension)
There’s definitely a spirit at the ward which is giving us all good friendly vibes (unless you’re paranoid, in that case, all vibes are freaky as hell).
freaky as hell vs. friendly vibe- ebiv- roy g biv- rainbow-freaky hell plus friendly vibe
I’ve learned how to make my pretty brain work for me instead of against me and the learning curve is long, but manageable. I will find a way to stop negotiating with my body and give into what it wants… what it needs… but not here in this beige-wall place.
sssselfssselfssselfsselfselfselfeselfseflselfsefl
Respect, self and others, completely without conditions. This is hard for me because I consider myself a critical theorist. I need to create a journey map and wish myself well because it’s half of the whole equation.
what is the equation you’re working on?
Mental pain is hard to diagnose. It’s not a disease, it’s a tendency. I tend to talk a lot, I tend to think a lot, but it doesn’t have it’s hold on me. I have a strength within and without and foci of these strengths will allow a unique stability that plurals rarely allow themselves.
mental strength mental strength mental strength
I’m still on my 999 program. Which is easy to remember because of Herman Cain, the Hurricane. He is a charismatic soul and I appreciate his goofy voice telling me to eat my meds (zyprexa in case you’re wondering and 9am, 9pm and nein in between, in case you’re wondering…)
9999999999999996999999999996999969696969
Questions to ask yourself every morning:
What is my name?
What are my goals?
What am I looking forward to?
What am I going to excel at today?
What do I need?
What is my name? Practice Kat
What are my goals? Practice Active listening and finish that Rilke Book (http://www.carrothers.com/rilke_main.htm)
What am I looking forward to? I’m looking forward to learning about how I can be a better listener, accept gifts, give clear and important gifts to others.
Important and clear
What am I going to excel at today? I am going to excel at sleep today. I know I really need it and I’ve been really happy to take time for my online journal. Bon jour! Always day.
A songbird needs a clean whistle. Reasons for self-care routine. Like my mom says, “drink more water!”
What do I need? I totes need that breath lozenge stuff and Biotin because a songbird needs a clean whistle. Not that my mouth is a dingey hole of disgust, but being here has given me new perspective on my body-mind, connection/disconnection. I am looking forward to structuring my day around something other than an hour of Occupational Therapy and regular meals during the day. I can’t be nocturnal here, but I think I might want to try. I love the stillness of the night. There, I can breath and hear freshness all around me. The energy of dreamers. The sweetest fragrance to my soul.
Love and Creativity,
KAT-9
Offer of good advice: The best lozenge in town. Look at link and trust us.
Long link. Trying to adjust to a new terminal. I will have to post the focus card for this blog post. There’s no images I can provide at this time.
The meat:
Pain= spinal cord Injury.
B (on social media): I love this album, No Faith in Strangers
A: No Faith in Strangers. Did you want to talk about this motif? I’m figuring out why we trust the strangest strangers. It’s because they are vulnerable.
B: It’s an album title.
B: Fuck you.
Commentary is the Catalyst that makes Cannon possible. The looking back and finding out why if not true. It’s not true that I want this person to eat shit and die, but I feel like that because it was a waste of my time to ask the long question only to get the short answer. No one likes that. It’s a form of mental love rejection.
Friends? I seem to ask. “No. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Is my response. That used to hurt so I invented a world where I could retreat. A safe world where “friends” didn’t matter. I had books. It wasn’t enough. They didn’t understand. There was no back and forth that implies understanding.
It was okay. I knew that it was a book and it would never get me like a “real person.” I knew that I could be my own best friend, but not right away. I had to figure out who I was and who I wasn’t. Who I wasn’t would then be my friend.
Because, I love them. Because they are beautiful. Because they helped me when no one else would and now I want them to help others but they don’t trust me
I need the power of art to lure people to my world and then show them my understanding of them is real and infinite and the world we create together is real and infinite and we can play together. Inception meets Edge of Tomorrow.
Every day is the dreamiest game and it’s through others we can validate whole worlds and it doesn’t matter if they are real if they are helpful to getting something more out of life.
That seems to be the idea behind improv
Yes. But it’s temporary. I’m talking permanent improv.
Where we can wear our characters longer.
I loved that guy you were in good bad worst.
I think someone loved Pierre Escargot. He was the first that has a real name.
The french painter cubist I could never be. I want to write his song because he can’t.
Haha
You are asking me the questions I can’t ask myself.
Our understanding is subjective, but sharing requires a bit of objectivity. What then?
I want to bridge the introvert and the extrovert and that’s what the duo does. It creates a safe environment where the weird reigns.
Physical love is hard because we hope for the best when we judge on appearances.
Mental love is hard because physical chemistry is important and sometimes impossible.
Polyamoury is one way of addressing that we are faceted beings with different magnets that push and pull us towards and away.
I don’t want to fight the tides of my soul, I want to document them and bring them to light so I can swim.
I don’t want to be the only one swimming because it’s no fun. I want to share the xperience of using improv to create real characters. that make so much sense they get developed in the same timescale so they can play together.
Necessity is the Mother of Invention. My needs have been met for so long it’s time to think “wants.” My wants are so long I’m following the tail hoping to find the animal.
“I like the idea that you only need to have one other person get an idea in order for it to be validated.”
Yes!
What if you put that person inside yourself? Weird things…
I’ve been alone too long, I’ve created other people that are my strength. Now, I need to let them out.
I speak in Yellow Words. They are the beach of two different cultures coming together. I’m asking those around me to walk on this beach. The rocks are uncomfortable and the journey is long but at the end is a pot of gold of understanding. It’s something that I know we both want.
All they see is the sour grapes. The road is different for each person and they assume that I’m on the wrong beach, but it’s my beach. I created it because I knew that some people would want to go there. I have to believe that because I love being there. It’s up to me to work hard for understanding. Harder than I ever worked before. Talking to others helps me figure out what the magic words are. What would I need to tell you to get you to walk a beach with me? What would be the right thing to say?
Trust and the issues of no self-trust. People were raised by their functional family first. They were never really understood. The power of the duo is that you only need one other person to believe you to share ideas. The interesting part is when that person listens and adds to what you have to say. You’ve become something more, something better, something wonderful. A brilliant hybrid.
I had a sister who was my other and we invented worlds where we were anything and we tapped into them to assuage our fears. My sister was afraid of being alone in the bathroom, so instead of never addressing her needs, she invented a world for us to play in. In the bathroom. That is powerful because we shared something real, intimate and really not normal, but it showed me the power of play and how it can address fears that are irrational with a solution that’s illogical unless you are a kid and you know how powerful scenes can be. They make the mundane fun.
Yellow words make my world fun. I want others to be there with me and I know they can be if they imagine. Truly imagine.
Kismet Arts Tangent 